


A Lack of Color

by Lothierin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Closeted Character, College AU, Gay Panic, Iwaizumi Hajime in Denial, M/M, Pining, SPOILERS AHEAD, hurting myself writing the next few chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25898020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothierin/pseuds/Lothierin
Summary: By some form of happenstance Iwaizumi and Oikawa enroll in the same university together, deciding to stick together for another four years of scholastic torture. Unbeknownst to Iwaizumi, the torture wouldn’t be in the form of schooling but over his closeted homosexuality as he secretly pines over his best friend. Will Iwaizumi accept himself for being gay? And will both Oikawa and Iwaizumi end up together?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Against All Odds

_ Aoba Johsai, morning. _

It was quite the surprise when Iwaizumi found out that he and Oikawa would be going to the same university together. He applied to the school with the best sports medicine program in all of Japan, getting in through a lot of hard work and studying. Meanwhile Oikawa happened to receive multiple athletic scholarships to several different schools, he simply accepted the one with the best volleyball team. These two events lead to one Tooru Oikawa’s excitement contrasting Iwaizumi’s horrified realization.

“What do you mean you’re going to the University of Tokyo?” Iwaizumi stared at the letter of acceptance being presented by his best friend. Part of him had hoped that he would finally be able to get rid of the great Oikawa Tooru for the first time since they had become friends in their childhood. However the better part of him was thankful to keep his closest friend around for a few more years. “Why there, of all the scholarships you received?” The normal irritation of talking to Oikawa resided in his voice.

The brunet huffed and crossed his arms, making sure to keep his newfound trophy in perfect condition. “It’s the school with the best team of course, I can’t just go to any old school I get accepted to now can I?” Oikawa peered at Iwaizumi curiously, cocking his head to the side as he mused, “why’re you so upset about this Iwa-chan? Did you want to join me and continue our adventure together forever~?” He teased using his favorite nickname.

The look of bewilderment turned into a scowl mixed with a frown in the blink of an eye. Iwaizumi grumbles, “if only I could get away…” The shorter of the two sighs out the exhaustion that built inside of him from the endless nights of studying. All to get into the same university as Oikawa without realizing it. He retracts his own crumpled up letter of acceptance to the same school and shoves it in the smug face in front of him, taking amusement as the presumptuous look falls into one of confusion upon reading the letter. Clarifying Iwaizumi states, “I got in too… They have the best medical program in all of Japan. Besides, they’re not too far from home.”

The understanding changes Oikawa’s mood in a heartbeat. “We’re going to school together again?” The setter doesn’t fight the genuine smile that comes to his face, on the verge of bouncing with excitement. “Come now Iwa-chan, you planned this didn’t you~?” He suppressed enthusiasm with the coy lopsided smirk he saved for putting himself on a pedestal. After all, why wouldn’t Iwa-chan try to do everything to ensure they go to the same university? They were supposed to be best friends so going to secondary school together appears to be the obvious conclusion.

“If I saw this coming I would’ve done everything in my power to  _ prevent this _ .” Iwaizumi quipped, feeling his anger levels beginning to raise even further from a mere few words spoken by Oikawa. Why he was best friends with the arrogant man sometimes perplexed him, this was one of these moments. “But…” He began, flashing a rare smile towards the setter, “I’m glad we have a few more years together.”

Oikawa staggered at the flip in demeanor, he was used to the way Iwa-chan would tease and pick on him throughout their lives together. While it may be constant, Oikawa could see through the tough guy act and know that Iwaizumi only teased him out of loving admiration. However this was different.  _ This _ was a genuine level of affection and reverence he was receiving from the shorter of the two.

After a few moments of taking in the uncommon smile on Iwaizumi’s face, wishing to save this moment in his memory forever, Oikawa breaks the comfortable silence. “Well since you are going to the same school with me, that means you’ll have to stay my wing spiker~ that’s the rules.” He returns the vice captain’s smile with an equally charming one.

“Of course you’d want me to join the new team with you… Why am I not surprised.” Despite his displeased tone, Iwaizumi maintained the grin that creeped it’s way onto his face. He truly did look forward to continue to play volleyball with Aoba Johsai’s captain for another few years. Yes it may be a few more years of occasional irritants from his setter, but the laughter and entertainment to come would outweigh the negative times. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

The first bell rang out, cutting off their conversation for the meantime.

_ Aoba Johsai, day. _

Iwaizumi found Oikawa hiding out on the roof for lunch today, knowing he was trying his best to get away from his adoring fans. The wing spiker knew how much his best friend appreciated them, but secretly being an introvert caused all those people to drain the energy out of him. Yet he was still unable to deny a simple request from a pretty face. Today they both chose the same spot again to get away from the noise, connected by that unspoken link.

He observed the slight jump from the sitting man as the door came to a heavy close, walking over to sit next to Oikawa. “And here I thought I would be alone up here today, you continue to prove me wrong.” 

“Iwa-chaaan, you can’t just scare me like that.” The brunet complained, pouting as he calmed down from the unexpected loud noise. Rocking back and looking up at the blue spring sky, enjoying the warmest weather they’ve had in weeks. Oikawa muses, “you’re just the person I wanted to see~ I was about to text you to meet me up here so we could talk about rooming together in Tokyo.”

“So I’d have to see your crappy face every day for hours on end?” Iwaizumi had wanted some form of peace and quiet in university, knowing Oikawa would manage to dismantle that simple wish in a heartbeat. “We’ll be sick of each other after the first week alone, that’s about the worst idea you’ve had yet.”

“If we would be sick of seeing each other daily, we would’ve hated each other years ago. I don’t think it’s possible to hate each other~.” The setter’s smile faltered on the immediate dismissal of his idea, hoping to have Iwaizumi accept he continues, “besides think of the costs we would save. It’ll be a lot cheaper to dorm together rather than alone, and we would have someone we already knew so it won’t be as lonely.”

It’s not that Iwaizumi wasn’t planning on spending a lot of his free time with his best friend, he simply knew how ostentatious he could be in the presence of the people he was close to. Including Iwaizumi himself. His thoughts of dismissing Oikawa even more halted in their tracks when he noticed Oikawa begging him with those brown eyes. Those eyes of his were pleading to not leave him behind for a few more years.

“Fine, on one condition though.” He sighed, softening at the way his best friend seemed to brighten in an instant. Iwaizumi pulled out his lunch for the day and began eating his store bought bento box. “You can’t be loud all the time, we need to focus on schoolwork and  _ you _ need enough sleep for volleyball if you’re going to go pro.”

“Well of course~ anything for my roomie.” He grinned, unable to control his excitement that bubbled in his chest. “My condition is weekly movie night, one of these days I’m going to make you  _ love _ an alien movie.”

“Oh that’s not possible, but I’ll bet a full week’s worth of groceries that you’ll like one of the Godzilla movies I show you.” He chuckled, enjoying the simple alone time they shared. “Did you tell the others yet?”

“Not yet, they’re on their way though. I asked them to join us up here for lunch.” As if on command the two tallest of the four third years burst through the doors.

Hanamaki spoke up first, sarcasm oozing out of his voice. “Aww, look at the two love birds.” The inseparable pair plopped on the benches across from Iwaizumi and Oikawa, snickering at the strawberry blondes joke.

“Have you two heard back from universities yet?” Matsukawa nudged the man next to him, quieting his amusement. “We decided to stay in Miyagi and be close to family, Tohoku University it is I suppose.”

Iwaizumi knew that Matsukawa and Hanamaki would refuse to go anywhere but the same university together. Ever since his two friends met they were bonded at the hip, cracking jokes constantly and reveling in one another's company.

“I’m stuck with this one for another four years alone at Tokyo University.” Iwaizumi feigned an irritated glare towards Oikawa, one that the three have learned many years ago to see through. “How could you two leave me alone with Loserkawa?”

“Like you wouldn’t miss his overbearing presence if he didn’t go to the same school~” Hanamaki continued to tease, “and you two think that we’re inseparable.” He let the mixed guffaw settle between the four of them before changing the subject. “You still going for sports medicine, Iwaizumi?”

The four soon to be graduates mused about their upcoming college experiences that would be splitting the group in half. As they were getting ready to head to their final classes, Matsukawa interrupted a clamoring Hanamaki. “I know it’ll be hard to beat us on a two on two, but you gotta come back so we can kick your ass every once and awhile~.”

“Well there would be no logical explanation if we didn’t, but the same goes for you Matsu~.” Oikawa chimed in as they descended the stairs. “See you guys at practice, don’t be late or ten laps for every minute~!” He threatened, not wanting to miss a single minute of their final practice together. While they were still on the team he was still captain and had the power to make those calls, even knowing they wouldn’t dare to be late on the last day.

_ Aoba Johsai, afternoon. _

Of course the four third years had been the first ones there, they wouldn’t dream of not saying goodbye to their soon to be former teammates. Their shared experiences in Aoba Johsai’s men's volleyball team had made them grow more fond of their underclassmen. These past few years truly meant a great deal to Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa. 

Wearing their turquoise and white tracksuits, the four of them stood in a line waiting for the rest of the team to arrive. While they would not be participating in the practice, they would most certainly get a few final words out. Iwaizumi peered at the box that held their game uniforms, not wanting to part with his number four jersey. He grew not only as a player in these four walls, but also as a friend and as a teammate to those around him. It was a bittersweet farewell.

Next to arrive were the coaches who wore the proudest looks on their faces, knowing this will be the last time they share together as members of Aoba Johsai. Coach Irihata gathered the attention of the third years, “it’s good to see you four here. Before everyone else arrives I want to have a few final words.” 

The head coach began with Matsukawa, looking up to see his bushy eyebrows arched in his usual unconcerned expression. “I’m going to miss those jokes of yours that always managed to lighten up a dim situation, make sure to stop by if you ever need anything.”

Taking a few steps to the side, Irihata directed his conversation towards the strawberry blond head of Hanamaki. “Without your notes on how we can improve as a team collectively and your cool demeanor in the game I’m not entirely sure what we’re going to do without you. Keep up the good work in your future.”

Oikawa was next on the coach's speeches, shaking hands with the captain he had grown so fond of. “You’re going to go far kid, keep up all that hardwork and effort you put into bettering yourself as a player. Don’t forget to be careful with that knee of yours.”

Irihata patted Iwaizumi’s shoulder, sensing that he had dreaded this final day for a few weeks. “I know you’re going to be studying sports medicine in university, make sure you take care of this unstoppable force before he hurts himself further. You’re going to succeed more than you can imagine if you put in a fraction of how much work you did for this team.”

Once the team had officially arrived, Oikawa presented Yahaba the number one jersey deeming him worthy of taking his place as captain. Stepping back in line, the third years bowed in unison and exclaimed together, “thank you for the past three years!”

With that final statement, the four of them were now alumni of Aoba Johsai’s volleyball team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this when I should be preparing for school in two weeks. In order to make sure I don't miss weekly postings I'm writing a bunch of chapters currently and I'm in p a i n. Keep an eye out for a new chapter every Friday! And as always please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve this story in the comments! -L


	2. The Sound of Settling

_ Aoba Johsai, morning. _

A week had passed and graduation came in the blink of an eye. Iwaizumi’s high school career had finally ended, he would no longer be returning to these halls several days out of the week. Instead he would focus his next few hours spending time with his family and friends before he would have to inevitably pack up for university.

The early rise this morning had not affected the four volleyball players as much as it had the rest of their graduating class. They were used to practices at the crack of dawn followed by another ending at dusk, today felt as though they were able to sleep in for the first time in months. They observed the sluggish nature of the third years saying their congratulations and thank you’s to one another.

Iwaizumi invited the other’s out to a big meal together with their families as one last hurrah before they had to say goodbye for a few months. Oikawa had convinced him to move in early so they would become more familiar with their campus and Tokyo itself. That way when they did have guests that would visit in the coming months they would be well prepared for what to do and where to go.

The flash of a camera drew Iwaizumi out of his thoughts, noticing the way his mother smiled brightly at him with a trace of sadness behind her eyes. Of course he had been there this morning when she was drowning him with her tears, weeping as she sniveled on about how her baby boy was all grown up now.

With a few more photos on their parents end, feeling like a million photos on the graduates end, the group set off for lunch. Hunger being the only driving force for the breakfast deprived teens.

_ Miyagi, day. _

The parents had agreed to treat their sons to a nice barbecue meal as a congratulations for graduating high school. By the time the menu had arrived they were on the verge of drooling over the photos displayed under the lamination.

One by one, each of the graduates ordered their large meals to appease the growling in their stomachs before continuing to chat amongst themselves. Iwaizumi turned his attention from his family to his friends, “have either of you decided what you’re going to be studying yet?”

Oikawa was the first to respond with no surprise. “I’ll be studying psychology as I really focus on volleyball~” he hummed wearing the smile he used for deeply analyzing someone’s flaws and ticks. “I have to know the reasons behind someone’s plays after all.”

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re going to school to use your knowledge against everyone you play against?” Matsukawa speculated aloud. “I couldn’t think of what I want to do in four years so I’m just going for an associate of science. Maybe that will help me figure something out.”

“You’ll find out what you want to do soon enough, no sweat dude.” Hanamaki patted his friend’s back, a sympathetic smile spread across his face as they made eye contact. “Maybe you can help me out with basic research for my degree. I don’t have an exact field yet but we’ll see after the first semester or two.”

Everyone turned to the last graduate who has yet to speak up since starting the conversation, Iwaizumi. “Don’t give me that look, you all know that I’m going for sports therapy and athletic training.” He waved off the false curious looks with his hand, he’d been talking about this field path for months now.

Iwaizumi ignored all the oo’s and ah’s escaping his friends, who were overexageratting their reaction to hearing old news. “Iwaizumi I think you’re going to do well in that field~” teased Hanamaki.

Matsukawa piped in, “honestly I couldn’t have even predicted that you would be continuing on in the sports field!” The two bursted out into laughter, followed by a chuckling Oikawa.

As Iwaizumi was about to join in on the teasing, directing his attention specifically towards the two who started the mockery, the food arrived at their table. The four silenced immediately, their eyes twinkling with desire and hunger. 

Several minutes go by before their parents’ booming laughter drowns out the sound of scraping plates. Looking up, Iwaizumi notices that the adults had yet to touch their own food as they observed the boys preventing themselves from withering away. Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa quickly joined in with the laughter amongst their parents once they realized why they had begun laughing.

_ Tokyo, day. _

The following week had flown by due to the constant packing Iwaizumi was doing in preparation for moving. Graduation still felt as if it were a day ago in comparison to the present day. Now that a week had passed he had once again said his final goodbyes to Matsukawa and Hanamaki before departing for his new home.

The moving company had loaded all the furniture and boxes both Oikawa and Iwaizumi needed for college, meeting them in front of their new apartment on campus. While they would love to have the movers unload everything for them, they wanted to move in before dusk and helped unload all the boxes into their respected rooms.

By the time their parents had left to return to Miyagi, it was only 3:00 in the afternoon. The two boys looked at the organized mess of boxes littering their apartment. The two met one another's eyes before sharing an exasperated groan, already drained from the moving when they had just begun. Rolling up his sleeves, Iwaizumi was determined to get the common space done first so they could each take their time unpacking their own rooms.

With the sun setting, the living room completely unpacked and ready for movie nights, and the kitchen as organized as it will ever be, Oikawa calls it for the night, begging for yet more food. “Iwa-chan, we’ve already unpacked so much and it’s dinner time! Can’t we just order some food and watch a movie?”

“Where do you expect to sleep then Lazykawa?” Iwaizumi questioned, ready to start working on his own room now. He was breaking down boxes when Oikawa melted into the couch, taking over every single inch as his legs dangled off the edge.

“Here of course! I’m sure it’s comfortable enough to fall asleep on, so why don’t we take a break for now?”

“Fine, but while we’re waiting at least start unpacking your things. I don’t want to hear you complaining tomorrow morning that your neck is all jacked up from how you managed to sleep on that couch.” Iwaizumi called out from his room before quickly placing an order with both of their favorite pizza’s. He turned his lazer focus on his bedroom still packed away.

The sound of knocking gathered Iwaizumi’s attention from the mountain of empty boxes surrounding him. Not only had he managed to completely set up his bed but also put away most of us clothing, although from an outsider's perspective with how quickly he worked his exhaustion gave the impression that he had unpacked his entire room. Dragging himself to the front door, his energy skyrocketed as he saw the familiar logo of the pizza deliverer.

Thanking the delivery boy, the former ace of Aoba Johsai placed the two boxes on the table in front of the couch. He quickened his pace to grab his new roommate, stopping when he noticed the majority of the boxes unpacked. “And here I thought you were too tired to unpack this much.”

Oikawa’s worn out face turned to see Iwaizumi wearing a plain grey hoodie and simple black sweatpants. He on the other hand still wore his jeans and button up shirt from earlier in the day, wishing he was as comfortable as Iwaizumi looked. “Well I didn’t change like you did, besides most of the boxes I unpacked were larger items and not little knick knacks or desk supplies. That's all in those boxes.” He gestured to the four boxes stacked next to his empty desk.

“If you don’t get changed quick I’m eating without you. I’m not changing your unconscious body into pajamas.” Iwaizumi chuckled, returning to the mouth watering aroma residing in the living room. He set out the plates and napkins, before grabbing himself a glass of water and plopping down on the couch. Iwaizumi flicked through the channels before finding one of Oikawa’s favorite shows: Ancient Aliens. A weak sigh escaped his lips and he kept it on screen, knowing the setter would be devastated to hear he missed even a repeat episode.

After about six and a half minutes passing, Oikawa was stumbling out of his room wearing grey sweatpants and a graphic shirt with a large green alien face plastered front and center. The glasses on his face were askew due to being thrown on in a rush. 

“About time, I was about to start without you.” Iwaizumi paused, feeling his heart jump into his throat upon seeing Oikawa’s disheveled appearance. “Grab a drink and hurry up already.” He turned his gaze back towards the television, trying his hardest to still his beating heart as he pretended to be uninterested in the show. Was this living situation going to put a rift in their friendship? Sure, Iwaizumi thought that Oikawa was attractive, but not once in all their years knowing one another has his body reacted like this to seeing him.

Oikawa turned his attention to the food and to the television, elation brightening his overall demeanor. “Aww Iwa-chaaaan~!” He sang out, bounding over to the kitchen to grab himself a quick glass of water before joining his roommate on the couch. “All of this just for me~?”

Iwaizumi snagged his box of pizza before Oikawa could get his hands on both, “no dumbass, this one is mine so don’t you dare.” The latter grinned and grabbed his own box, eating straight out of it not bothering to even consider using a plate. Observing his best friend for a few more moments as he stuffs his face, Iwaizumi turns his focus to his own pizza intending on savoring every last bite.

The two sat on opposite sides of the couch, using the arm rests to support their separate boxes as they watched Ancient Aliens. Unbeknownst to Oikawa, Iwaizumi hardly paid attention to the show, instead turning his focus secretly on the former.

Noting the red sauce remaining a little too far out of reach from Oikawa’s tongue, as well as how all of his focus was locked onto the television as if even blinking he would miss the opportunity to spot an alien on the screen. His eyes appeared to twinkle like the stars in the sky he often looked up to, enthusiasm brimming his demeanor. 

Perplexed by these new findings, Iwaizumi began reflecting on his past with Oikawa. He questioned not only why these feelings and small details have finally caught his attention, but also when this realization originally occurred. Memories of his best friend standing above the rest of society continued to surface, until the realization hit him like a train: these incidents began in their shared childhood.

Disturbed by these new thoughts, he racked his brain for any form of an attraction to women. Every single hope was shattered by the smiling face of Oikawa. On their first night living together the two are hanging out in the common space, Iwaizumi realizes that he’s not only gay but in love with his best friend.


	3. This Place is a Prison

_ University of Tokyo, morning. _

Classes had yet to begin for the two Aoba Johsai alumni, yet they found themselves at the grand entrance of their university's gymnasium. Oikawa had to drag Iwaizumi out of bed before the sun rose so they both made it to campus on time, the latter had already gotten used to sleeping in past seven in the morning.

By the time they arrived at the large building the sun had finally breached the horizon and shed a warm glow on the city of Tokyo. Iwaizumi ignored how heavenly Oikawa looked with the blue and purple sky serving as a backdrop for his day to shine. Instead he turned his gaze to the ground below, following the setter’s lead into the gymnasium.

Tryouts for the “Tokyo dog’s” volleyball team began in early summer, yet another reason the two moved out for school so early on. Luckily for Oikawa, he was guaranteed a spot on the team due to his athletic scholarship. Unluckily for Iwaizumi, he had to try out for the team in a match against the other applicants to make a spot on the bench.

However a promise is a promise. Iwaizumi thought to himself about the day they agreed to go to the same university and room together, under the condition they would continue to be on the same volleyball team. The wing spiker’s anxiety had begun to rise due to the minutes ticking down to the dreaded tryouts. He had never had to prove his worth above other players at the introduction to a team, instead the teams he was on previously accepted any applicants.

Despite Iwaizumi’s growing jitters about the upcoming trial, the new discovery of his sexuality was at the forefront of his mind. While his parents may support him now, was it possible for them to continue supporting him if they ever found out he wasn’t straight? How would everyone he cares about react to this revelation? How would Oikawa react?

Before the move, Iwaizumi had no doubt he was straight, even though he had never had feelings towards any women before. But for some reason suddenly seeing his new roommate in his normal casual state for the millionth time had awoken these feelings in him. Maybe they were always there and he never realized it until this point. Maybe he was overanalyzing his friendship with Tooru and didn’t have romantic feelings towards his best friend.

_ Tooru. _ Yet the idea of not being together for the rest of their lives terrified the wing spiker. The mere possibility Oikawa being in a relationship with another person brought an immense amount of dread on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, causing him to hunch over more than usual.

Oikawa noticed the lines forming in between Iwaizumi’s eyebrows and clapped his back, drawing the latter out of his worrisome thoughts. “You’re going to be fine. After all, Iwa-chan was the ace of a powerhouse school.”

“I never said I wasn’t, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi barked, the weight of all his recent thoughts on his shoulders. There was a tiredness that lingered in his eyes as he glared up at the taller man. His sharp gaze fell once he saw the hurt that bubbled up in Oikawa. “I’m sorry, I’m just really-”

“You’re right Iwa-chan, you never said you wouldn’t be fine. Silly me.” Oikawa said coolly as he walked ahead. The setter was startled by the unusual response from his best friend, typically one of his pep talks would help ease his Iwa-chan. Yet today he was grumpier than normal.

Iwaizumi felt the discomfort that took residence in both of their chests, noticing the way Oikawa’s back had tensed from his outburst. “What if they’re all better than me? What if I don’t get to join the team?” He quickly recovers his words, hoping the setter would ease at least one of his fears.

“Like I said earlier Iwa-chan, you have nothing to worry about. You’re going to outshine all of them!” Oikawa flashed him a genuine smile and gave him two thumbs up of encouragement. “There is not one doubt in my mind that you’ll get on the team with flying colors, we’re a pair so we have to be on the same team.”

The earnesty behind the setter’s words relaxed Iwaizumi a bit. Knowing Oikawa continuously supported him and wanted him to receive his sets filled the wing spiker’s chest with warmth. “And if I don’t get on we can always practice on top of the team, you already put in more effort than anyone else I know.”

The brunet waved his hand in the air as if shooing off the possibility Iwaizumi wouldn’t make it on the team. “Well of course we’ll practice more than the team does, but you’ll be on the team too. So get your negativity out of here, it’s bad for your complexion~.” Oikawa teased in an attempt to ease his best friend’s mind more.

“Not everyone is blessed with naturally good looks like you, Loserkawa.” Iwaizumi sighed, fighting to hold back a smile. The two entered the gymnasium in front of them, noting that they were the first ones there, they continued their conversation. “It’s not fair, you have to leave  _ some _ of the… ladies, for the rest of us.” He paused knowing he didn’t mean what he said.

“Aww, Iwa-chan~ I can help you get some of the beautiful ladies here if you ask nicely.” Oikawa plastered a coy smirk across his face, batting his eyelashes at the scowling Iwaizumi.

“I don’t need your help Crappykawa!” Iwaizumi huffed, crossing his arms in defense. He silently thanked whatever gods had answered his prayers by sending in the team and applicants to end their irksome conversation.

An upperclassman wearing the team's navy blue and white uniform gathered the six candidates for the men’s volleyball team. “It’s a pleasure to see so many new faces today! My name is Haruto, Koji Haruto. I’m the captain for this team, we take great pride in being a number one competitor in Tokyo so today we will be having a three on three. Those who show not only their skills but their passion for the sport will be able to join the team, those who don’t we implore you to join another club.”

Iwaizumi swallowed thickly. He truly did love the sport and wanted to specialize in volleyball in his degree, but the serious tone of Haruto caught him off guard. Would his admiration and devotion for volleyball be recognized by the team captain or would he be rejected from the team, losing all hope to play for a few more years?

_ University of Tokyo, afternoon. _

Sweat rolled down Iwaizumi’s forehead as he let out sharp pants, exhausted from playing a hard three on three match. He stood amongst the two other victors in this game, all six of them attempting to catch their breath.

Iwizumi kept his gaze towards the wooden floor below, despite winning he felt like he had lost the game just like he did in the Karasuno match in their final year at Aoba Johsai. His anxiety held him back for most of the game, memories of constantly being defeated haunting him throughout the past two hours. 

And then there was the volleyball team’s newest setter: Tooru Oikawa. It was an unusual game to not receive his perfect sets, yet his large presence beside the court was very obvious. While Oikawa didn’t call out or cheer him on once, Iwaizumi felt his deep brown eyes following him throughout the game.

The moments he messed up most during the game was when Oikawa was in his line of sight. This new occurrence would definitely cause a problem if it went on for too much longer, Iwaizumi had to put a stop to these feelings before they destroyed him.

Haruto gathered the applicants around, giving his end of game speech. “All of you played exceptionally well, there were a few mistakes but that’s to be expected when playing with new teammates for the first time. Iwaizumi, is it? I believe you were the ace on your last team, it shows.”

His brown eyes met the grey eyes of the team captain who appeared undeterred by all of his screw ups. He bowed, showing his thanks rather than attempting to pry open his clenched jaw to speak. 

“You all did exceptionally well today, however the coaches still have to make the final choices. We’ll get back to you by the end of the day.” Haruto flashed a quick smile Iwaizumi’s way before taking the current team to the center of the gymnasium for practice. 

This small act of kindness on such a handsome face made Iwaizumi’s closeted heart flutter. He hated through his late realization the upturned corners of a man's mouth could make his cheeks flush a rosy shade. Regardless of if that man was the one he was in love with or someone as good looking as Haruto, he wanted to get rid of this feeling. And he would, fast.

_ Tokyo, evening. _

Iwaizumi sat on the floor with his back resting against the couch, not paying attention to how the time flew by since he arrived home.He had been surfing the internet for information on repressing his attraction to men, spending every second in his alone time reading all the different articles he could find. He searched website after website on  _ “how to not be gay” _ for hours, wanting desprately to be free of any feelings he had for his roommate. 

The clicking of a key unlocking the front door snapped him out of his intense research and he exited out of the entire window he was on before Oikawa had the chance to enter the apartment. To avoid suspicion, Iwaizumi keeps his laptop open and instead searches for what he will need for his upcoming classes. 

Oikawa slowly enters the apartment and makes his way over to Iwaizumi, flopping down on the couch beside the latter. Drenched with sweat, Hajime looks over at his roommate who looked like he was about to take a nap immediately after practice. 

His brown eyes traveled from the exhausted expression on Oikawa’s face to the spot on his shirt that rode up his torso from lying down, barely revealing his toned abdomen. Despite loving the view, Iwaizumi wished for a few more minutes of alone time as he climbed his way out of the mental gutter. “Oi, Shittykawa you reek. Go take a shower before you stink up the apartment.”

“Give me a moment Iwa-chan, practice was hard today~.” Oikawa sighed out in his usual sing song voice, enjoying the moment of rest after several long hours of intense training. “Oh, and expect an email in the next hour or so about your application. The captain found out about us being roommates and let me know that he would be discussing with the coaches about everyone who tried out today.”

Iwaizumi only hummed in response to Oikawa’s new information, feeling his nerves raise again in anticipation. The couch shifted behind him as he added textbooks to his cart, causing him to look up to see Oikawa heading to his room to get cleaned up.

He sighed in relief that he wasn’t caught searching for tips and tricks to stay in the closet by his best friend. As Oikawa remained out of the room Iwaizumi began to question if this living situation was for the best, worried that he would inevitably inform his roommate of his feelings. 

About ten minutes had passed as he continued mulling over his thoughts when the ding of his computer notified him of a new email from the one and only coach Watanabe. Iwaizumi sits upright and braces himself for unwanted rejection. Taking a deep breath, he opens the email.

He reads through, heart nearly jumping out of his chest as he reads through the last lines of the email:  **we are pleased to accept your position as a wing spiker.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for missing last weeks chapter! I recently went back to school so my posting schedule has been a bit hectic (￣▽￣*)ゞ updates should be back to normal now that things have settled down! -L


	4. Start Again

_ Tokyo, morning. _

About a month had passed since Iwaizumi had been officially accepted into the men’s volleyball team at the University of Tokyo. Now that their month of day long practices had ended, classes were now beginning.

The wing spiker groaned and rolled out of bed, aching from the new heightened training. New bruises had formed on his limbs during his sleep from the previous day’s constant receives during practice. Today was the first time since he had joined the team that practice would be in the afternoon to accommodate everyone’s classes.

Although relishing in the fact he was able to sleep in without repercussion, Iwaizumi missed morning practice. Being able to wake up and start the day with a workout was better than any cup of coffee he could’ve had, without it he felt sluggish. Yawning, he mentally noted that he would start doing a small workout in the morning to continue to help him wake up.

Iwaizumi threw on a black sweatshirt with a dark blue scarf, preparing for the cool March morning. He finally stepped out into the common room, being greeted by a bright eyed and bushy tailed Oikawa. “You’re finally up! I was getting worried there for a moment.” 

He rolled his eyes and prepared a bowl of rice with an egg for his breakfast in response. While still sleepy eyed, Iwaizumi noted in his peripheral vision Oikawa wore a cream colored sweater and donned his glasses he saved for outside of volleyball. His style had definitely changed since their senior year, now his roommate had a refined casual wardrobe. One that Iwaizumi happened to adore.

Downing his breakfast, the two headed to their first day of class for the semester.

_ University of Tokyo, morning. _

There were only two periods that Iwaizumi had the pleasure of being separated from the obnoxious Oikawa, and that were the first and last class of his school days. When the wing spiker was studying anatomy the setter would be studying psychology, the same going for their final class period of physical education versus statistics. Together they shared writing, biology, and sociology.

Iwaizumi found these few hours both peaceful and melancholic. For the silence both provided relaxation as well as a new found loneliness regarding the man he seemed to spend all of his time with. The feelings Iwaizumi constantly tried to bury towards Oikawa continuously rose to the surface whenever he found himself absent from the others' presence.

In Iwaizumi’s final class of the day, he turned his focus from the lecture going over the syllabus to some of the women nearby. While he found some of them conventionally attractive, the thought of being with any of them in a romantic sense made his stomach churn.

When he thought of dating women, he felt nothing but an empty void that sent him spiraling even further. Iwaizumi’s mind began to wander, other men his age would jump at the chance of being in a relationship, but he was only filled with dread. Dread encompassing the stigma that came around being gay in his country. Dread about what his loving family would think about him being attracted to the same sex. Dread about his best friend shutting him out forever if he ever found out that he was in love with him.

The overwhelming anxiety that was beginning to drown Iwaizumi caused him to lay his head down on his desk. He ignored the glances from his nearby classmates and focused on his breathing in an attempt to clear his mind from the negative thoughts. The rest of class, Iwaizumi did not pay any attention to the lecture but only to the mantra of four, seven, eight.

_ University of Tokyo, afternoon. _

Iwaizumi wore his new navy tracksuit with a yellow practice jersey sporting the number fourteen. On the opposite side of the net was a navy sea topped off with contrasting red jerseys. Fortunately for him, Oikawa was wearing red number thirteen, he wouldn’t be too close to the setter for the remainder of practice.

Haruto joined Iwaizumi on the yellow team with the captain's mark of one on his jersey. The rest of their half of the team formed a golden circle on their half of the court, forming their plan for the match. 

The rest of the practice was filled with squeaking shoes on wooden floors, shouting across the court to other teammates, and labored breathing from everyone on the court. Haruto’s spike scored the final winning point against the opposing side of the court. Five extensive matches down, and yellow one the first, fourth, and fifth matches all with points in the thirties.

“You’re not too bad for a new member to our team, Iwaizumi. You’re a wing spiker, right?” The captain spoke in between drinks of water. Haruto’s brunet hair slicked back by his own sweat.

The raven haired man looked up to see his teammate standing next to him. Rubbing the back of his neck, “yeah… For just about since I started playing.” Despite his feelings of inferiority towards the better wing spiker and overall better volleyball players, Iwaizumi furthered the conversation. “How long have you been playing? I haven’t seen a wing spiker quiet as good as you.”

The older man chuckles at Iwaizumi’s statement, “clearly you haven’t seen too many wing spikers. And going on nine years now, I started back in middle school. If you keep up that hard work that got you to where you are today, you’ll be even better than I am in two more years of practice.”

Iwaizumi blinked out his confusion, meeting Haruto’s gentle grey eyes. “Um, thanks captain. That’s very kind of you.” The two said their goodbyes for the night, both going their separate ways home. A different brunet finally caught up with Iwaizumi, an ecstatic grin plastered on his face. “What do you want Shittykawa?”

“You didn’t think you could sneak out of practice so easily, did you?” Oikawa asked in a mocking tone, “how does it feel to win against your setter~? We definitely put up a difficult match for you.”

“Is that what you call difficult? I’ve seen you play better than that plenty before.” Iwaizumi shot back in a teasing tone. The two began making the hike back to their apartment, only a few blocks away from the university campus.

_ “Excuse me?” _ Oikawa began, utterly flabbergasted. “I always put my best into every game, regardless of if it’s practice or not!” He huffed, folding his arms together while turning the once broad smile into an irritated frown.

“Yeah yeah yeah, and it shows Loserkawa. Now stop pouting, you’ll ruin that face all the ladies seem to love.” Iwaizumi began laughing once he saw the astonished expression the brunet gave him. “Anyways, are you excited for this weekend?”

Oikawa seemed to bounce back almost immediately in the change of subject. “Seeing Mattsun and Makki? Oh absolutely~, it’s been what, two months now? It feels like it’s been forever though.”

“Of course you would feel like that, you can’t stand being away from your friends for too long after all. But it really has been too long. Matsukawa will be nineteen already?” Iwaizumi pondered, admiring the sunset backlighting the city.

“We’ll have to visit Yahaba as well, it’ll be his birthday too after all.” Oikawa smiled softly, missing his former team. The two roommates made their way back towards their apartment, exchanging how excited they were to see everyone for the first time since moving off to college.

_ Miyagi, day. _

“Matsukawa where the hell did you get this much liquor from?” Iwaizumi asked, shocked by how much alcohol covered the table. “I get it’s your birthday and everything… But damn…”

The taller man laughed and wrapped an arm over the shorter’s shoulders, gesturing vaguely as he spoke. “A magician never reveals his secrets, Hajime, not even to his friends.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and grabbed a bottle of kirin off the table and plopped onto an all too familiar couch. A brown sofa that he has spent many hours on playing games, simply relaxing with the others, and even crashing on when needed.

Despite how many weeks had passed everyone by recently, it was as if no time had changed. The four were all the same old friends that they were back at Aoba Johsai. Including the three constantly ganging up on Oikawa, teasing him lovingly. 

With all the fun happening, Iwaizumi sat back and observed the others shenanigans while remaining quieter than he usually was. The couch shifted in weight as a tipsy Hanamaki dramatically sat down next to him, displaying a look of utter disappointment in his friend for not continuing on with the teasing.

“Our dear Iwa-chan seems to be unusually restrained today, what did Oikawa do to you these past few months to make you bite your tongue this much? Blink twice if he’s hurting you.” Hanamaki feigned a whisper, glancing back and forth between the two roommates.

Iwaizumi rubbed his face out of annoyance, sighing deeply. “No Shittykawa didn’t do anything, practice just has me beat, that's all.” He looked down at his beer, feeling the exhaustion from hiding his secret settle in his eyes.

“You can’t be that tired, the school year just started and Irihata used to kick our asses in practice all the time!” Matsukawa protested, taking up the rest of the couch by spreading his entire body over the empty space and the laps next to him.

Iwaizumi shot a glare from the legs that rested in his lap to the face on the other end of the couch, “oi get your nasty feet off of me. Besides, what the hell does the school year have to do with practice? We’ve been at it since January, and I guarantee coach never used to work us this hard. Several hours of extensive nonstop training? I don’t think so.”

The two raised their hands in surrender, acknowledging that somehow both Oikawa and Iwaizumi managed to get into a nationally ranked team. Matsukawa brought his knees closer to his chest, removing his legs from the two laps in front of him. “Okay okay, you win. Your practice is harder than anything you’ve done before.” The taller male met Hanamaki’s gaze and the two burst out in laughter, making Iwaizumi’s eyes roll.

“You both are dumbasses.” The raven haired man sighed out in annoyance, carefully glancing over at Oikawa who paid no attention to the conversation happening. All his attention was focused on the screen ahead of him as he raced by himself in mario kart, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth and brows knit together in total concentration.

Iwaizumi’s irritated gaze softened into a saddened expression as he watched Oikawa attempt to win against the bots in the game. Wishing more than anything he could confess how he truly felt, he brought his gaze back down to his drink. A rose colored dusting covered his cheeks, unable to hide it thanks to the alcohol.

Unbeknownst to Iwaizumi or Oikawa, Matsukawa and Hanamaki shared an all too knowing look. As if it was written on his forehead, the two understood why the wing spiker had grown quieter over the past two months. They came to a silent agreement that they wouldn’t bring anything up until he did, whenever or if ever that were to happen.

The four young men continued to celebrate Matsukawa’s birthday for the rest of the evening, enjoying being in each other’s company down to the second. Meanwhile, Iwaizumi remained distant for the remainder of the evening, the weight of the secret crushing him further with every waking minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter, I'm sorry for that and the delayed post! College has been kicking my butt (TT▽TT)ゞ as always please let me know if there's anything I can do to improve the story! -L


	5. Before the Bombs

_ Miyagi, morning. _

The smell of sweet pastries and bread wafted out of the bakery the former teammates stood in front of, as if filtering out the smells from inside to gather more customers. The familiar setting lead them to reminiscing about the times their team, minus Kyoutani, would celebrate their victories at the very same bakery they visited today.

However today the small group of Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Yahaba celebrated the youngest’s birthday, just as they had done with Matsukawa the night before. Unfortunately for the group, Yahaba was not able to join the night previous due to volleyball practice due to the mandatory birthday dinner with his family. Luckily for Iwaizumi and Oikawa they were still able to wish him a happy birthday before returning to Tokyo.

The three volleyball players stomachs finally settling from the breakfast they shared reminded them of how long they had been chatting. Oikawa noticed the look Iwaizumi was giving him, not wanting to delay the long trip back home. “Okay okay, one more question. How’s the team doing? We both miss everyone so much, even if Iwa-chan refuses to say so.” Oikawa snickered at his own remark, earning a slap to the back of his head from the one and only Iwaizumi.

Aoba Johsai’s newest volleyball captain stood prouder, honored that he was given the reins to guide the team for the remainder of his third year. “We have some promising new first years that mesh really well with the team, and Kyoutani has mellowed out tremendously since break. Our goal for the spring preliminaries is beating both Shiratorizawa Academy and Karasuno High, we should be able to go to nationals with those being our primary focus.”

Oikawa wiped away a fake tear, feigning a dramatic sniff. “They grow up so fast Iwa-chan.” He patted the shorter’s back, happiness surging through the setters veins from how content the team appeared to be doing.

The sudden contact from Iwaizumi’s secret love caused his heart to skip a beat and his face to flush faintly. He waved off the sudden redness to the comment that their former team were their children rather than the space Oikawa closed between the two. 

“They’re just one year younger than us, dumbass, but Yahaba that sounds like a fantastic plan. Keep up the good work, clearly you could teach a thing or two to this guy.” He gestured his head towards his setter. “Once again, happy birthday. Keep in touch, okay?”

The older two said their final goodbyes to the younger, promising that they would visit again when they had time outside of school and practice. With their departure from the bakery they made their way to the station, awaiting for the next train to Tokyo.

The two young men sat in their respected seats on the train, preparing for their five hour trip. Iwaizumi pulled out his textbooks for human anatomy, health and physical science, and biology to study for an upcoming exam as well as work on homework he delayed to visit his old teammates. 

Oikawa on the other hand took the opportunity to study other Tokyo teams playing styles, taking notes on the former members and how they evolved throughout the years. Occasionally, he would become quietly excited by some of the rallies that the teams would put on, wanting to try out some of the plays the teams had performed. 

Two hours into the train ride, Oikawa had dozed off with his head resting against the window, while the pen resting in his hands threatened to fall. In the two hours Iwaizumi managed to work through both his anatomy and biology homework and study for his biology test for the following day. Looking up from his smaller pile of work, he notices Oikawa perfectly lit from midday sun.

A sudden warmth spread through Iwaizumi’s chest as he began to take in the finest of details. The first thing he noticed was the way Oikawa’s face had completely relaxed, when it typically was plastered with an air of false sense of superiority. Next was the way his hair remained perfect except for the side that had become tastled against the window with the swaying of the train. Finally was how Oikawa’s lips remained parted ever so slightly, allowing his chest to rise softly as he breathed in and out. The very lips that he had been longing to kiss for several months now.

The sense of warmth had been replaced with the shame and guilt that remained deep within himself. Perhaps one day he would be freed of his urges, or perhaps he would be able to find a woman that he would be willing to get married to and repress his feelings for his best friend. Regardless of how well his family would react to the news, it would still pose a risk towards his career with the stigma that surrounds gay culture in Japan. Iwaizumi  _ needed _ to do well in this industry so he could help out the same man he loved work through his past injuries properly. If that meant giving up on his sexuality so be it.

Shaking his head to rid any unwanted thoughts of Oikawa. Iwaizumi continued to work on his school work for the remainder of the three hours and took the opportunity to get some shut eye once he was finished.

_ University of Tokyo, afternoon. _

Iwaizumi and Oikawa stand together in a semicircle with the rest of the team around the coaches, having their usual pre warmup meeting, while the shorter maintains distance between both of them for his benefit. The raven haired male’s attention follows the assistant coach as he runs out the gym while the head coach, Watanabe, remains talking to the group.

The younger coach returning with a cardboard box made the team’s silent demeanor begin a flurry of excited mutters whose volume overpowered the Watanabe’s. The team captain, Haruto, sensing the irritation coming from the coaches silenced everyone. He shouted over the rambunctious noise, “enough! I know all of you are excited but we need to hear what the coach has to say first, not only to understand what we need to do but out of  _ respect. _ ”

“Thank you Haruto. As I was saying, you all have improved tremendously throughout the past two months. Today I want to see you play your best game yet, after practice I have some news about who we will be playing against in the upcoming tournament. For now, we have your game uniforms.” The head coach gestured towards the box that the assistant coach was holding. 

They both began passing out the navy blue uniforms to the respective owners on the team. White lettering officially declared Iwaizumi fourteen, following Oikawa’s number thirteen jersey. No matter the team, the two couldn’t be separated no matter how hard Iwaizumi tried.

“Who wants to break these in during practice today?” Haruto’s voice rang out over everyones followed by the ecstatic jeer of the team, a unanimous yes.

The navy blue and white uniforms contrasted their old Aoba Johsai ones in almost every way; instead of being primarily white they were primarily the dark blue, instead of having the turquoise detailing and lettering they print was in pristine white. Iwaizumi kept his gaze focused on his own tasks as the team changed for practice, avoiding any risk regarding changing next to his best friend.

Iwaizumi was one of the first few people to return to the court, waiting for everyone else to join the three teammates. Several minutes later, Oikawa walked out flaunting his new uniform with a giddy expression plastered on his face. 

The setter’s smile immediately turned into a smirk upon seeing his fellow wing spiker. Placing a hand on his hips and making sure Iwaizumi noticed him eyeing the latter up and down, Oikawa spoke up. “Iwa-chan you’ve never looked better in blue before, and that’s coming from your previous two uniforms.”

The brunet began giggling at the sight of Iwaizumi’s confused and flustered expression from the sudden compliment and wandering eyes. The older of the two turned away, avoiding merely looking at the younger’s fit of laughter, crossing his arms out of defense. “Shut up Trashykawa, you sound like an idiot.”

The amusement died down, Oikawa made an attempt at remaining calm mixed in with a couple of chuckles that refused to go away. “But Iwa-chan, that's mean! And after all the nice things I said.”

“He’s right you know, the team's uniform suits you.” Haruto chimed in, appearing next to Oikawa who was in the process of taking deep breaths in order to cool down. “I suppose blue really is your color.”

“T-thanks captain…” Iwaizumi mumbled, caught off guard by both of his teammates complimenting him at once. He desperately tried changing the subject, determined to get out of the flurry of gay panic. “Can we get started with practice already? I want to get some good spikes in…” 

A few moments later, the coaches divy up the team into two groups, those who will be on the starting line up versus those who will be on the bench ready to be called in when needed. Alongside the team captain, Oikawa and Iwaizumi joined the starting line up immediately. Making the starting line up have two setters, two wing spikers, three middle blockers, and a libero to switch in and out when needed.

Their team together focused in on hiding their incredibly strong defense behind a series of tricky plays with the two starting setters: Oikawa and Haruto. Iwaizumi sighed out, nerves steadily growing with being brought onto the starting line up in his first year. While it was a tremendous honor, he worried that due to not playing with the team for very long he would fail them even more than he did his team in high school.

Seeming to notice his change in demeanor and rising anxiety, Haruto approached the younger wing spiker. “You were brought onto this team for a reason, don’t go second guessing yourself now.” He patted Iwaizumi’s back, “you’re a great addition to the team and  _ I know _ the rest of the team agrees you should be on starting the starting line.”

Iwaizumi looked up to see the captain flashing him a warm smile, admiration swelled in his chest due to the kind words he had received from Haruto. A new found determination filled within him, wanting to not only prove that he should be on the starting line up to the team, but to himself too. “Thank you Haruto, you’re very kind.”

Haruto stood next to Iwaizumi for a few moments more, his smile softening into an undistinguishable expression. The younger felt his heart begin to speed up due to the constant encouragement and lingering gazes given by his captain. Unsure of how to feel, Iwaizumi began to work on his warmup stretches for practice.

The practice match began, with the first serve going to Haruto himself. While it may not have been as powerful as Oikawa’s, it was certainly more tricky to deceive where it would land. A few service aces in, the game finally picks up with a receive. Being returned back to the starting team, Oikawa sets the ball to Iwaizumi for the first spike in the game.

He goes in for the spike, the pent up emotions within him beginning to boil over. Using his frustration over his sexuality and feelings towards Oikawa, Iwaizumi slams the spike onto the other side of the court with a loud echo from the aftermath of the ball hitting the otherside quickly. Leaving both sides of the court in silence due to being caught off guard by the loud impact of the ball, including Iwaizumi himself.

“See, what did I tell you?” Haruto called out, grinning ear to ear. “You’re meant to be on this team.” The rest of the game went by in a flash, the starting team winning three to one in a landslide of points. After the cool down stretches, Watanabe called everyone into an end of practice meeting.

The head coach addressed the team, “as you all well know we have our first official games coming up in just a short few weeks. Today we officially received news of who we will be going up against first, the bears of Waseda University.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this Thursday night instead of on Friday because I won't be able to tomorrow! As always feel free to let me know what you think (´ ω `♡) -L


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